Love is the essence of life. And life, when we look deeply, is nothing more than relationships. Our relationship to ourselves, to animals, to the Earth, to each other- all of it is one unified experience. There is no separation between the spiritual and the material. Tantra teaches that all of life is sacred. Every experience, including intimacy and sexuality, can become a doorway to the Divine.
This post explores the three types of love through the tantric perspective: animalistic love, human love, and Divine love. But to understand these types, we must first lay the foundation: the Self.
What Is Tantra, Really?
Tantra is one of the oldest spiritual traditions in the world. Originating in India, it views everything- yes, everything- as a potential pathway to awakening. Unlike other paths that may reject the body or worldly experience, Tantra embraces it all.
Tantra teaches that the Divine can be found in the ordinary. It sees love, sexuality, emotion, and even pain as sacred. This is not about blind indulgence. It’s about conscious engagement. When approached with awareness, every part of life becomes a spiritual experience.
At its core, Tantra is about union. Not just physical union, but the merging of dualities- masculine and feminine, body and spirit, self and other. And ultimately, the merging of you with the Divine.
This perspective deeply shapes how Tantra understands love. It recognizes that love can exist on many levels. It can be raw and physical, balanced and mutual, or transcendent and Divine.
The 3 types of love in Tantra reflect this progression. They show us how love evolves- from instinct to intimacy to spiritual devotion. Understanding these types helps us move from unconscious patterns to sacred connection.
In the Tantric view, love is not just an emotion. It’s a force that can open the heart, expand consciousness, and bring us home to ourselves
Self-Realization Comes First
In both Tantra and Advaita Vedanta, the journey always begins within. The first and most vital step is self-realization. If we do not know ourselves, how can we ever truly know another? If we are not satisfied within, how can we be satisfied in a relationship?
In the principle of Advaita, the Self is all there is. There is no other. When we attempt to fill the void inside with another person, it only leads to disappointment. The spiritual foundation we build inside ourselves becomes the core of our life and the quality of our love.
We can’t force life to meet our expectations. But we can transform our inner world. When we flow with existence instead of resisting it, we find peace. Radical self-awareness and self-responsibility are what make us conscious lovers.
Conscious Relationships: Where Tantra Begins
In conscious love, we recognize that God is in all things. Even in the heat of desire, even in moments of deep vulnerability, the Divine is present. Tantra does not separate the sacred from the sensual. Instead, it weaves them together.
There is no other. Possession binds us to illusion. Real love frees us.
Try this: Sit in total silence with someone you love. Say nothing. Do nothing. Just be. Feel the presence. Let your breath align. This ancient technique, found in the Shiva Sutras, helps us move from possessive love to causeless love.
Now, let’s explore the three types of love.
The Three Types of Love
Tantra speaks to three dimensions of love: animalistic, human, and Divine. Each type reflects a level of consciousness.
1. Animalistic Love
This is the lowest form of love. It’s based on physical attraction, chemistry, and lust. It is possessive, jealous, and often controlling. Animalistic love is transactional. It’s “I want you because you give me something.”
It can be thrilling but unstable. Animalistic love arises from the ego. It seeks to own, to capture, to consume. This love is often conditional and easily fades when the other person becomes familiar or no longer fulfills a fantasy.
2. Human Love
Human love is a step higher. Here, we find equality, mutual sharing, and emotional connection. This type of love is often unconditional, nurturing, and respectful. It allows for space and individuality.
Human love is what most people aspire to. It doesn’t seek to possess. Instead, It seeks to honor. It is based on communication, vulnerability, and trust. There is freedom in this type of love.
3. Divine Love
This is the highest form- the one Tantra urges us toward. Divine love transcends ego, time, and physical form. It is bhakti. It is oneness. In Divine love, there is no other. Only love remains.
This is the love we long for deep in our hearts. It is the ache we feel when nothing in the material world satisfies us. Divine love can be experienced with another, but it always arises from within.
When two integrated beings meet in Divine love, there is no relationship- only relating. There is only a flowering, a merging. Possession, jealousy, and ego disappear.
Relating vs Relationships
In true love, there is no static relationship. There is only the act of relating- a dynamic, ever-changing dance. The ego says, “This person is mine.” But love says, “This person is life expressing itself.”
When love is real, the “I” dissolves. There are no longer two separate beings. The lover and the beloved melt into one presence.
Relating keeps love alive. It brings constant newness, curiosity, and depth. Each moment is an exploration of consciousness.
Relationships
A relationship is a structure- it’s the defined connection between two or more people.
Think:
- “We’re in a romantic relationship.”
- “That’s my best friend.”
- “We’re co-workers.”
These are labels or roles that describe how people are connected.
Key traits of relationships:
- Often defined by expectations, labels, and commitments.
- Can sometimes become rigid or habitual- running on autopilot.
- People might stay in a relationship even when genuine connection or presence is lacking.
Relating
Relating, on the other hand, is a process- it’s how two people actually connect in the present moment.
It’s about dynamic interaction, presence, attunement, and authenticity.
Key traits of relating:
- Happens in the now– it’s moment-to-moment.
- Prioritizes presence, listening, and real engagement.
- Doesn’t rely on roles or labels; it’s more fluid and alive.
Why this matters:
- You can be in a relationship but not truly be relating anymore.
- Deep healing, love, and transformation often come not from the label, but from the quality of the relating that happens within the relationship.
- Conscious relating invites us to show up with presence, vulnerability, and authenticity, instead of just relying on roles or history.
Attachment Styles and Codependency
To become conscious in love, we must understand our attachment styles. There are four main styles:
- Secure
- Dismissive/Avoidant
- Preoccupied/Anxious
- Fearful-Avoidant/Disorganized
We can only heal what we understand. Romantic relationships tend to bring our deepest patterns to the surface.
Journal Prompts to Deepen Awareness:
- What are your common triggers in relationships?
- What lessons did your parents demonstrate about love?
- What patterns repeat in your romantic connections?
- How do you feel about your own behaviors in past relationships?
Codependency often masquerades as love. But real love brings freedom, not bondage.
Self-Love vs Ego
Many people mistake egoism for self-love. But true self-love is the opposite of ego. Ego clings to image. Self-love embraces essence.
When you love yourself, you don’t compare. You don’t need to compete. You care for your body, your mind, your energy- like a temple. A person who hates themselves will project that hate onto others. Love must start within.
Self-love is not selfish. It is utterly selfless. In self-love, the ego disappears.
Love as a Spiritual Practice
Tantric love is spiritual love. But not in a rigid or repressed way. It celebrates life. It honors desire, while transcending it.
Khalil Gibran said:
“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, and let the winds of the heavens dance between you.”
This is the essence of Divine love- freedom, not ownership. Let love be a sea, not a chain.
Horizontal vs. Vertical Love
To go even deeper into the 3 types of love, we can look at them through the lens of horizontal and vertical love.
Horizontal love exists on a timeline. It begins and ends. It has ups and downs. This kind of love depends on conditions- how someone looks, what they say, or how they make us feel. It is love that moves through time, tied to circumstances and stories.
Most relationships, especially those rooted in attraction or unmet emotional needs, fall into this category. This is the realm of animalistic and, to some extent, human love.
Vertical love, however, is eternal. It doesn’t begin, and it doesn’t end. It doesn’t depend on anything. It’s not bound by time or space. It simply is. Vertical love is pure awareness. It’s presence. It’s the essence of who you truly are.
In Tantric terms, this is Divine love.
It is not a love you seek. It’s a love you remember. You don’t fall into it- you rise into it. Vertical love is not about the other. It’s about the One.
Where horizontal love seeks fulfillment, vertical love is fulfillment.
A Practice to Expand Love:
Ram Dass offered this exercise: Start with what you can love. A flower, a tree, a river. Then go deeper. Keep expanding that love until you reach the source behind it all. The light behind the form.
Don’t worship the gate. Enter the temple.
Why We Fall Out of Love
Often, we are drawn to what is unavailable. We project our fantasies onto the unknown. But once we know the person, the illusion breaks.
Real love grows deeper as the other becomes more known. It doesn’t fade. It matures.
This is why the three types of love offer a roadmap. The first binds. The second liberates. The third transcends.
Let the Mystery Remain
We must never make the mistake of thinking we fully know someone. Every soul is an infinite mystery. Every being is a doorway to the Divine.
Let the exploration of love remain alive. Let yourself evolve.
The Whole World Is My Family
The ancient Vedic phrase “Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam” means “the whole world is my family.” This is the heart of Divine love. A causeless love. Not rooted in direction or expectation, but in presence.
Expectation is the enemy of love. Conditional love rises and falls. Often, what we call love is simply a need for attention. Can your love remain when you get nothing in return?
Try loving someone who gives you absolutely nothing. See what changes. Can your heart stay open, regardless?
Love as the Path Back to Oneness
The three types of love in Tantra offer us a mirror. Where do we love from? Are we still clinging to ego, or have we begun to dissolve into presence?
Animalistic love teaches us about our desires. Human love teaches us about our heart. Divine love shows us who we truly are.
To walk the tantric path is to commit to consciousness in every moment. To see the sacred in the ordinary. And ultimately, to let love be the way.
The journey begins within. But from there, it touches all. Because in truth, there is no other. There is only love.
This post was all about the three types of love.
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